»Ilan, how can you work about ecstasy in times of war and trauma?«

I got this question a lot these days, and I love it.

Well… I consider ecstasy to be THE missing piece in all of our global efforts to create peace and harmony amongst mankind.

Because ecstasy re-unites two poles of essence within us – an essence that gets split and twisted in our culture.

I am talking about the split between LOVE and ACTION.
I am talking about the split between HEART and MUSCLES.

What we would LOVE to do is the one thing… and we end up DOING is another thing… right?

That is the split I am talking about.

We are not meant to live like that. We are not born this way. We are meant to live in ALIGNMENT between the knowledge of our heart and instincts and our outer world. The moment we overrun the knowledge of our instincts and heart in order to “get stuff done” – we are OFF.

Ecstasy is the energetic matrix – the melting pot, so to speak, that heals this split within us.
Ecstasy is the bridge that carries us back home.
Ecstasy is where we experience silence and incredible power at the same time.

It enables us to ACT with precision, LOVE and certainty. It informs us with where to head in times of chaos, trauma and fear.

Please know that your ecstasy matters.

Every wave of pleasure.
Every whole body breath.
Every dance no matter what.



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For many decades we have been building a matrix of concepts around self development that is all about privileges.

You needed to be privileged in terms of money, time and focus in order to afford this costly hobby:

  • listening to your inner child
  • speaking to your higher self
  • practicing mindfulness, meditation and awareness
  • or just in general: “working with your stuff”

These days all those privileges seem to fade away, as more and more of us feel directly affected by the underlying patterns of stress and trauma that had been hidden in this culture.

What does that mean for self development?

Stopping listening to ourselves?
Stopping the healing process inside in order to get worldly stuff done that is “more important”?

No. It does not have to be that way.

We can re-define our wellness concepts of self development and “put it back onto the street”.

So many old traditions and ancient methods have been developed and taught in times of war.

So many meditations have been found in the fire, not in the comfort zone.

Let us learn to embody the collective triggers, the shadows and demons that are coming up these days.

Let us merge the inner process and the outer activity:

Re-claiming the unity of the inner and the outer world, in all of its power, challenge, risk and beauty.


There is the famous saying:

“No mud, no lotus.”

Actually it is more than a saying – it is a fact.

The lotus flower blossoms in the dirt… opening up the realms of bliss and peace while it comes from muddy, shabby places.

Sure, we can just handle that as a biological fact.

But it is so much more than that.

It is one of the core teachings that nature provides for us when it comes to an embodied and truly modern form of spirituality.

This lotus flower cures us from running away from our shadows.

It cures us from trying to hide where we come from.

It heals our cultural belief in something inherently dirty in our very existence.

It teaches us unconditional trust in our shadows.

This is what I feel more passion about than about almost anything else: throwing ourselves back into the infinite treasures, lectures, challenges and energies that are waiting for us in EMBODIED SHADOW WORK.

And… I am beyond excited about introducing you to my newest online adventure today!

Because it is about exactly that:

unleashing the inner power, bliss and freedom by diving straight into individual/collective shadows…

When people get to know my body of work they are often surprised and slightly confused by those new terms and models that they are not used to so far. (And some of them are confused by the number of #HashTags that I am using – however, that is a must, because I just love them.)

Eventually my work is not complicated at all, but in fact the most simple thing that I ever encountered:

Track you collapse.
And then release it.
That’s it.

Nothing more than that is truly needed.

Why so?

Well, because collapse is defined as numbness.

And as long as you are numb, your are numbed out around your numbness!

AKA you do not sense what you do not sense…

And THAT is the silent, all too silent reason for your suffering when you do not manage to figure out where it comes from, and how to resolve it.


Once you managed to SENSE your numbness, you are through.

From this very moment on everything else is just a matter of:

  • embodiment
  • courage
  • focus
  • surrender
  • and patience (faked patience is enough)

These are manageable steps.

But it is this one sacred moment of rebirthing yourself, from numbness to sensation, that we truly need to master.

And we can.

Will we?

Here is my FREE invitation for this sacred step, and doing it TOGETHER! Not only doing it for ourselves but for the whole collective nervous system as well!

Come and Shake and Sense it all!


Ilan Stephani x Simon Transparently Podcast



We Are Scared By The Topic Of Trauma Because We Are Traumatised. To Learn To Orgasm We Must be Ready To Die.

Whatever I feel driven to share, comes from the dark nights, the wounding, the trauma. Ilan Stephani is a Berlin-based bestselling author and researcher about how to shift collective paradigms, un-learn cultural conditioning and gain back our natural orgasmic aliveness. She walks the talk with endless curiosity, humor and ongoing research in the fields of Embodiment | Sexuality | Trauma | Health | Mysticism. Ilan gained nation-wide attention with her bestselling book, Skin and Games – What Sexwork Taught Me About Love. Ilan teaches in both German and English.

Listen to this episode directly on Simon Transparently Podcast
Listen on Spotify


Simon Transparently Podcast features Simon sharing himself and guests transparently to inspire you to speak your truth and awaken your heart so we all RISE as love and co-create the more beautiful world we know is possible. Diving into key topics; truth, sex, death, money, power and play.



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Ilan’s Current Embodiment-Trainings and Online-Courses
Ilan’s Bestseller ”Skin And Games” 
Subscribe to my Youtube-Channel: https://youtube.com/c/ilanstephani

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»Surfing the waves of healing needs even more of our courage and attention than staying in our misery.«

Ilan Stephani


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»This is the secret: Transforming our lives is easier than not transforming our lives…«

Ilan Stephani


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»Cultivating our own opinions around abortion is not only a waste of time… it makes us miss when we are needed as support!«

Ilan Stephani

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Shifting Paradigms On Paradise…


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